haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
