I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
