margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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