If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
