It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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