Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
