I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
