It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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