He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize