I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
