I haven't been this sober since birth.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
