I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
