Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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