so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
