mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
