All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
