He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
