my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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