I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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