So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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