I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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