were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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