I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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