If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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