She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
