Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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