I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
honey bunches of taint.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
