I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
