I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
