I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
