did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
