do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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