I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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