Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
