ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
3 2 1 whiskey
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
