I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
COCAINE IS GR8
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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