i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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