Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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