Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
