just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
