he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
