Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
