Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
