haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
