Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
