When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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