I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
