There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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