i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
