and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
