Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
