she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
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My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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