oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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