wat bout pragnant strippers??
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
