Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
