i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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