Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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