Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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