Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
