I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
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Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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