So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
