It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
