everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
