do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
