Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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