First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Floor bacon is actually really good
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
