Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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