She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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