im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize