I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
