so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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