Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
