You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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