didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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